Pure Jilliness

"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God for you."

-Jim Elliot

I noticed this quote on Caleigh's page whilst browsing blogs the other day.
It struck me, and kind of summed up a conviction I've been suppressing all week.
You may have noticed that I've been blogging a lot these past few days (read: month), as well as frequenting Facebook, and "catching up" on emails, etc.
Well, the fact is I might be living in Ireland, but Jill is still in Kamloops.
Let's face it- I was expecting everything to be miraculously different here. I was even (or is it 'especially'?) expecting ME to be different. I didn't realize that until it didn't happen! So suddenly I was here in Ireland -a dream come true...but I was still facing the same problems I had at home. What's the saying, "Wherever you go, there you are"?
I knew God was leading me to Ireland and as much as I did already want to come, it was a huge step for me to come as a youth leader. Its definitely not in my comfort zone, but with God working out every detail for me to come, I figured it would work itself out when I got here.
This past month has been really hard. My failings, inadequacies, and insecurities have been glaringly obvious to me at every turn. It has seemed like God dropped me off at the airport and then flew back to Canada.
At first I was ok, because I was so busy I hardly had time to think. As I settled into Fermoy and my schedule slackened, I've become bored and lonely.
Not exactly what I was hoping my experience in Ireland would be!
With all this spare time, I typically was drawn to email, blogs, facebook, etc.
It fulfilled my needs: it can soak up hours and hours, and I was in contact with friends!
So especially this past week I have spent far too much time on the internet,and far too little time experiencing this amazing opportunity I have here! When people ask me What did I see in Ireland? I don't want to have to answer... "Uh...my computer screen."
So the point in all of this is maybe not so drastic as you might be expecting- I'm not deleting my blog. I really do enjoy blogging, and I find it worthwhile. However, from here on in, I'm restricting my internet time. One day a week. If I spend all day on it, that would be kind of extreme, but at least it will only be one day, as opposed to every day :S
I just want you all to know it's not because I don't want to keep in touch! I love hearing how things are going over there, and I think we can still achieve that in my once-a-week goal.

You're probably all thinking, "Took her long enough" :P

And you'd be right. It did.

And logging on every day will be a tough habit to kick, especially when I am bored or lonely. But this is the only way I can force myself to get out more and LIVE here in Ireland. I'm sick of this "Neither Here Nor There" existence.

So I need your help.

If you see that I've been on more than once in a week, give me a really, REALLY, hard time!
I'll aim to be back on Monday....so, see you then! I'm going to attempt "living to the hilt" of this God-given opportunity!