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Blogthings: A Fine Line Between Insight and Stupidity

I've Got a Problem

While we're on the topic of my vices, and I'm looking for blog fodder, let me reveal one of my deep dark secrets.
I seriously doubt if even my mother knows the extent of this failing.

I am an obsessive compulsive picture-frame purchaser.
Have been for years.

The reason its such a well-kept secret is even worse.
I almost never actually put pictures in the frames!
Its sad and true. They languish in the dark recesses of my closet, un-photoed, and un-hung.
I tell myself regularly that I should print some photos off and fill some of these frames up, but I can never decide which photos to choose, and I can't bring myself to put holes in my wall. On top of that, the frames are all different shapes, sizes, colors, and styles, and I'm not sure how to arrange them so that they look good together.

Looking on the bright side, I'm still my frugal Dutch self, and I don't buy expensive frames. Usually my weakness kicks in near the sale rack. Can't pass up a good markdown, ya know what I mean?

Its kind of funny that I never realized how bad it had gotten until yesterday when I was searching my closet for something, and came upon boxes and boxes of stashed little frames, and larger ones tucked in behind other closet treasures. I thought to myself: this isn't good.

But I also told myself, when I move out I will actually put them up.
And I don't know if I'm lying to myself or not.

De-Caffienated

I love coffee.
I really do.
Its such a comforting little beverage. (does it qualify as a beverage?)
There is nothing sweeter than curling your fingers around a warm mug of the aromatic, dark brew. I drink mine with a bit of cream, or black if its really good stuff.
Ice-caps, Frapps, iced lattes, cappuccinos...I like them all.

I used to drink a lot of coffee, especially working at Tim Hortons, and while I worked at Camp Homewood in '07. Thinking back, I can't believe how much I drank. It was my liquid of choice. I'm sure it was not good for my heart. Maybe that's what started the problem...
About 2 years ago (after I left Homewood?) I began to notice some negative effects now and then. An inability to sleep at night, rapid heart beats, headaches.

Then I went to Ireland and drank black tea incessantly for 9 months. It wasn't a good scene, my friends. Drinking it at breakfast would give me a good kick in the pants, but I found that if I drank anything caffeinated after lunchtime, it was likely to keep me up into the wee hours of the morning, or at the very least, cause a very restless sleep. Sometimes I would wake up extremely early, and my heart would be racing...not cool.
Since then, I've decided to cut back. Most of the school year I went without, except for a few rough mornings in the kitchen. I substituted it for naturally caffeine-free teas so I could still have that warm drink on a cold day. I did especially well this spring and summer, slipping only occasionally for a nice cold ice-cap (its the drip coffee that does me the most harm, anyway).
And did you know that decaf coffee still has enough caffeine to cause addiction?
The problem is, I still love coffee, and I want to drink it! Most of the time I am pretty good about sticking to my decision, but I might occasionally ditch my caffeine-free morals and dive into a soothing foamy cafe latte! What can I say? I am mortal and weak. And I love my coffee.

Can't Even Think of a Good Title

Its over.
I've become that Boring Blogger.
I'm inconsistent, and when I actually hunker down and rap out a few words, its dull and uninteresting even to me...especially to me. I couldn't string together a few funny sentences if I tried, which I am just too unmotivated to do. The only reason I'm writing anything now is because of this cloud of blogging guilt that is hovering over me, raining down a storm of oblogation (hey I just came up with a new blogging term...maybe this was worth it after all?) whenever I sit at the computer.
Its not like I've been busy. And most of the time I blog best when I have waaaay too much time on my hands, and nothing really big is happening. Its the little things that can be fun to blog about.
Now I'm just sitting here, staring at the screen, willing it to inspire me.
Uuuuuuugh.

Its not working.
Sorry I wasted your time. But did I really? I mean, if you are here reading this, you know how meaningless my blog is, and you probably weren't expecting much anyway. You probably WANT to waste some time, right? RIGHT?
Is it worth clicking the little orange publishing button? I'm tempted to just delete this whole thing, and leave my blog un-updated until I actually have something to say.
But that would be against my policy.
I'm not quite sure what that policy is, but I am sure that deleting useless posts is against it.
So it is decided.

Have a nice day.

Forked

I'm at the fork in the road again.

I hate the fork in the road.

It means making decisions, and it means I have to decide what I want. And what I want may or may not exist in real life.

That is, a job that I love.

Last year I thought, "I will cook! Cooking will be great! I will love to cook!"
And I DO love to cook. But I am sometimes not a huge fan of working in a kitchen, sometimes. I definitely do NOT love line cooking. And frankly, I'm not enough of a perfectionist to go very far in it.

So I've crossed cooking as a career off my list.

And now that I'm not going back to school, I have to start looking at other options for this Fall.

Sometimes I think I want a job where I do not have to deal with people at all. People can be annoying, and demanding, and rude, and I don't like dealing with people like that. I just want to tell them to get over themselves and get a life. And that really wouldn't go over so well in a customer service type of job.

Other times I think I would go even crazier if I worked alone. Sometimes solitude isn't very healthy for me. I need other people around even if I don't interact with them, or else I just get really...weird. I can't explain it...all I know is, it isn't good.

I can't sit at a desk all day or I will be in physical pain 24/7, and if I'm running around on my feet all day, that can be just as bad. Am I just being difficult?

I want a job where it isn't just a job. I want to be of help to someone in some meaningful way. But I also want to be able to come home from work and not think about it. Is this realistic?

Right now I've just started working part-time as commercial janitor...its pretty mindless, simple work, but it does require attention to detail which I will have to improve in myself! For now, its ok, and it pays pretty good compared to what I'm used to. But its just a bandaid on my problem...I obviously can't/won't do this for the rest of my life. So what am I going to do?
I'm so envious of people who are ambitious and focused and get into what they want to do right out of highschool. They are already well on their way to accomplishing their goals...and I'm still drifting. I haven't really completed anything since highschool. Am I just going to wander aimlessly through life forever? I have even less of an idea of what I want to do now, than I did then! I just know more things that I don't want to do :P

I keep hoping that one day I will see something and get my "aha!" moment, but I'm beginning to wonder if there will realistically ever be a job that I'm excited about. Ever felt that way? Do you have a job (or know of a job) that gets you excited? What is it and why do you love it?

Married

Another one bites the dust...

My dear friend Liz Geddert is now Mrs. Liz Taylor, married to the real live Tim Taylor.
I would post more pictures but I didn't take any during the ceremony or reception, and I stole these ones from Rebekah who will probably be posting more soon anyway!

It was a really beautiful wedding, and probably the most unusual and unconventional one I will ever have the pleasure of attending! I appreciated how Liz and Tim got back to the basics and stuck with what was really important in a wedding, without all the frills and unnecessary traditions.

They are now honeymooning for 4 months, rockclimbing in various places across North America.
Normal life resumes for the rest of us.
School will start up next week for many, and the job hunt is on for the likes of me.
It will be an interesting Fall...

To Do

After kind of slacking off and not doing much more than (sort of) unpacking on Monday, I decided to be good and get things done yesterday. It went well.
But I realized my list is longer than I thought. There are those other To Do's that I didn't write down because, well, I don't want TO DO them. I'm such a huge procrastinator.
So today is dedicated to those unpleasant, unwanted chores.
I need some kind of reward for myself if I get them all done.

Here & There

After an impossibly long day of travel yesterday, I am back in Kamloops, but only for a very short period of time. In fact, I leave again tomorrow morning...Destination: Nordegg Alberta. Wherever that is! Myself and two great friends who happen to be fellow bridesmaids, are heading out to Frontier Lodge to be with Liz for her wedding on Saturday!
As I have far too many emotions swirling about my confused cranial at this time, my blogs will be short until next week. In fact, this might be the only post you get until then.
I'm borrowing my mom's camera for the weekend, so I will definitely post some pics of the trip...
Now I really need to get some stuff done.

I Feel We've Had Breakthrough Today

One of my earliest memories is a scary one. Until today I wasn't even sure it was a real memory, or just a nightmare I had once.
Every so often this memory comes to me, and I think, "Man, that is so freaky..."
It is scene that plays in my head, where a tall male mannequin magically comes to life in a department store. That's all that I remembered, but when I was little it scared me SO much, that I can still picture the mannequin quite clearly in my head, and for years I was wary of mannequins when my mom took us shopping to The Bay.

Well, oddly enough while Kate was writing "Today's Special" on the chalkboard menu, one of the instructors walked by and said, "Wow! That's what that show was called. I was just talking to someone and trying to explain this old 80's tv show to them, but I couldn't remember the name. It was called 'Today's Special!"
I asked him what the premise of the tv show was. He told me it was about a mannequin that came to life at night.

It was a turning point in my life.

At last I can be assured that this sick and twisted vision was not of my brain's own making. Instead I was only traumatized as a young child.
Here is a youtube clip of the show. Its so weird seeing this after all these years....maybe now I can begin to piece my life back together.

A Loss Keenly Felt

It was a great day and I was having fun.
Spending time with a wonderful friend on a beautiful beach.
The Ocean was warm, and we dipped in our toes, and then waded.
I fell in, and decided to go swimming.
We tossed our things on the shore and frolicked in the salty water, seaweed, and sand.
Splashing, dancing away from fish and crabs, laughing...never realizing the sinister force at work.
Time passes quickly when you're having fun. We finally turn back.
Where are our things?
A little worry grows. Did we leave them further up? Did we drift away from them? Did someone take our stuff?
I think it was here.
Karissa plunges a hand into the murky shallows, and retrieves a sopping, seaweedy mess.
Conflict of emotions:
Hurray we found our stuff! My glasses are not washed away!
Oh no! My camera...!
I open the case and a flood of seawater comes out.
The lens is swimming with liquid destruction.
Foul tide! Sneaky and silent and lethal as a ninja, Poseidon has claimed another victim.
No last pictures of friends around the lodge, no candid snaps at the upcoming wedding...
There will be a gaping hole, a festering wound, in my scrapbook of 2009.
This will be a loss keenly felt.

Spelunking!

The other day two friends from the lodge and I drove out past Gold River to visit the Upana caves! The park is out in the middle of nowhere on a back road to Tahsis, surrounded by mountains, with a small river running through it. We were armed with hard hats, headlights, rain gear, and a poorly designed map which allowed us to partake of a self-guided tour.

Nancy, Me, and Cole just before our first spelunk!

At first we walked right by the caves. Some entrances/exits were hidden in the bushes, others appeared to be nothing but an overhang at first glance, and others seems just too small. WELL...little did we know!
At last we got our map sorted out and realized, hey this must be a cave! Nancy was terrified at first, but I was eager to do some exploring, so I took the lead. At first it was very narrow, and then it expanded suddenly into a spacious, if cool and drippy, cavern. As we clambered over slick unsteady stones, the cave gradually spiraled downwards, growing narrower and narrower as it went along. I couldn't believe it was so big, and went so far! From the outside it hadn't looked like much at all! Some places were quite tight, some required crawling on hands and knees, and for others wriggling like an earthworm was necessary. It was so worth it though!
The biggest cave had multiple openings, and was so large I could imagine Robin Hood and his merry men living in it. My favorite part was discovering a tunnel that went straight up. Naturally, I had to climb...
It kept going up and up, and then it lead straight out to what would appear like a small hole in the ground from above. Another was very low, so that we had to waddle like ducks throughout the exploration...even more duck-like because it was nearly up to our knees in black, very creepy water. I didn't like that one so much, because there could have been anything hiding in there...ick.
I've been in a few caves before, once in Guatemala, and once in Ireland, and while both were bigger, they were also guided tours with far less freedom to explore and enjoy in your own time. This was a great (free!) day trip that would be fun to do again!

Where's the Pause button?

I can't believe...cannot grasp...that it is well into August already. Sort of. I mean, I honestly feel like time is going so fast that I can't keep track of it anymore. The pages of the calendar are doing that fast-flippy thing they do in the movies to show months passing in a matter of seconds.
The end of my time at Strathcona is in sight. Like, for real. August 25 on the schedule reads, "Thank you!" signifying that my name and hours will not listed be on the next week.
I find myself thinking about packing up my things, and how the heck is it all going to fit in my car? And how do I manage to accumulate so much in such a short period of time? And why did I spend money on that? Wait...I never think that.I also begin to think, hm I really should spend more time with that person, or too bad I didn't hang out with them more.
And then I ponder what the future holds.
Some of you may be aware that I am not going back to school in the Fall. Instead, I am going to find full-time work which will not necessarily be, or even likely to be, in the food service industry.
I'm trying out new things this year, and hopefully learning a lot, and saving a lot! I'm very excited for it, but it does mean a lot of change and challenges. For one, in a few weeks I will be doing one of the things I hate most: job hunting! Yick.
In two short weeks one of my oldest friends, Caliegh, is getting married, and a week after that my dearest Lizzie is getting married as well! I'm excited to be a part of that, and looking forward to seeing her and all my Kamloops friends again!

It all seems like its coming so fast, and this whole season at the lodge has simply flown by. Its going to be hard to leave the island, and the friends I've made here, and friends that I've been able to visit so often that I usually can't visit very often at all! But I think it will be good to go "home" for a while, and feel like I'm a little more permanently situated for once.
Anyway that's enough rambling from me! Now you know what's going on. I may or may not write again soon!

Hooray!

I woke up to the sound of RAIN this morning!!!
I'm very excited.

Respite

All this dry, dry heat has been a real killer.
There is no end in sight as the temperatures remain in the 30's for the next couple weeks. However, it has, shall we say, sparked a way out.
There are wildfires all around the park's vicinity. Some near Gold River. We are not in any danger...don't worry! The good news is all the smelly smoke has blocked out the sun, and we have all been able to cool off! I've actually been sleeping with my blankets ON, and it was chilly this morning when I left my room. Yesterday the kitchen temperatures were actually bearable, and I have a feeling today will be even better.

Its Hot

I'm withering away.

That is all.

Sauna

It has been so hot here these days.
Its reminding me why I don't miss Kamloops summers. Because they are always this hot.
And I can't stand it.
I am not a hot weather person. I get cranky and irritable and my brain begins to melt out my ears.
Its especially awful when you work in the kitchen where the ovens are blasting hot air, and there are open flames on the stove, and the dishwasher is pumping out steam, and all you can think about it is the possibility of spontaneous combustion, and the sweat trickling down your back.
I've been drinking so much water this week, but I'm always thirsty, and my throat is always dry.
My skin is permanently sticky and its grossing me out! Not to mention having dreads in this weather is like wearing a perma-tuque. I guess that will be nice in the Fall...

Sorry for being such a whiner.

But...

Today it was 39 degrees in the shade.

Outside.

Not in the kitchen.

Beeeeautiful!

On the same day I went to the Dutch Import store, I also visited Cathedral Grove, and old growth forest on the way towards Tofino.
It was sooooo cool!I love forests so much, especially West Coast forests! They are so lush, green, and dense! Cathedral Grove has some trees 300+ years old, which I guess is relatively young in comparison with some forests, but seeing trees this huge is still pretty impressive!
Apparently this is where they shot the Ewok Village scenes from Return of the Jedi...It was very cool, and I had to take lots of pictures, because when I get back to Kamloops, I can kiss green forests goodbye!

Dutch Much?

The other day my friend Cole and I headed south to explore Coombs, the Cathedral Grove, and basically just get away from the lodge!
As we were leaving Coombs I spotted a sign by the side of the road that said "Dutch Imports: 4km". Being the good little Dutch girl that I am (well the maternal half, anyway) I eagerly insisted that we check it out. I smelled dropjes!
It was easy to find. A vibrant orange sign, and the above tourist attractions made it pretty obvious! It took .5 seconds for me to whip out my camera and get these shots.
Then we explored the inside. It was so funny! Just like being in a Dutch tourist shop. Magnets declaring "I love Oma", and traditional white hats, and Dutch soccer jerseys, and lots of Delft...
And there was food. Lots of weird food packaged in Dutch so I couldn't understand.
My favorite part was located in the far right side of the store. Bins and bins of dropjes in bulk. All my favorites, and many more I haven't ever tried before! Cole was disgusted of course, but that didn't stop her from trying out the little dropjes labeled "Extremely salty! Go ahead and feel free to try a sample!". I loved 'em, but she spit hers out. Big surprise!
I'm not going to lie: I spent an exorbitant amount on dropjes that day, and I've enjoyed every moment eating them.
We also spent a lot of time chatting with the store owners. They were the nicest people...probably because they were Dutch. And they own the best store ever.

Dreaded

Yes, its true.
Before...

I've been dreaded.
After!
I know I look like I've become a total hippy since moving out here, but...I've wanted dreads for a long, long time. And the time was right.
Halfway through the long process:
Actually, I was going to get them done in June, but couldn't find anywhere to get the wax, so it was postponed for a month. My friend Haley sat down with me on July 6th, and I spent the better part of the day getting dreaded. At first it looked like a tarantula had died on my head. I could not believe the volume! It was uncontainable for about a week.
Slowly they've calmed down. Now, 3 weeks later, they look a lot better. They take a lot of maintenance at the beginning: I wax and roll them almost every night, or else they get fuzzy and start to come apart. Have I stopped washing my hair? Well, I did for for nearly 2 weeks without washing it...not gonna lie. It gave them a headstart in life, ok? Now I wash them with special "dread shampoo" which is made with hempseed oil and peppermint or something. It smells nice.
And it stopped the intense itchy head that I got from not washing it!
Anyway...now the secret it officially out! I wanted to surprise my parents, but ended up giving them some warning. Didn't want my mom to freak out too bad ;P

Oops...

Sorry its been so long since I've blogged!!!
I've been away for a couple days, and also just been busy. I've completed Project #1, visited my parents, and done something to my physical appearance that may surprise you...
but you'll have to wait for pictures :)

I promise I'll be back soon!

Jill